As 2020 comes to a close...

As 2020 comes to a close, I wanted to hop in here and send you all my love from the bottom of my heart. This year has not been easy by any means. Many of us have experienced unimaginable loss, grief, anger, and continuous worry about what's to come.

Initially, when I sat down to write this to you all, I imagined writing a post about how to shift your mindset by focusing on all of the positives that have occurred in your life during these past 10 months, despite all of the hurdles. But as I began writing, I experienced an overwhelming internal conflict that I had never before experienced as a coach.

Over the weekend, I woke up to some bad news about a loved one that happened during the night. My whole body became both numb and restless from helplessness all at the same time. It was the most horrible feeling I have ever felt. I was scared, mad, sad. And with this, I was reminded that as a coach it is not my role to mask over one's life hurdles. In fact, it is my rawness, realness, and authenticity that creates such a powerful connection with my clients and this beautiful community. 

So why did I feel so conflicted about the message I wanted to put across to you all? To this community? 

Here's the thing about community - it can build you up or tear you down within seconds. Who and what you choose to surround yourself with on a daily basis can have a powerful impact on how you view your surroundings and how you approach what's going on in your life. As humans, we are extremely impressionable, we are constantly searching for validation of our emotions. And during these times, when we're isolated more than ever and most of our communities are online, this desire becomes ten-fold. But how can we try and make sense of our feelings when we don't even know how to describe what we're actually feeling?

This year, with all of the articles, blogs, and posts put out there it can feel like there are only two modes of being.  You're either sad and depressed with everything going on, or you're not. In other words, you can choose to be someone who dwells in the darkness of it all, OR you can be someone who chooses to only focus on the good, reminding yourself that it "could be worse." But why does it have to be one or the other? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to choose between two emotional extremes?

I've thought about this a lot over the past few months and how I'm always telling my clients that humans are an incredibly smart species. We are constantly taking in the world around us while our minds are working at full speed trying to process all of this intake of data in a way we can make sense of. We like to keep things simple (aka, feeling two ends of the emotional spectrum at the same time isn't ideal when your mind is trying to process everything it's taking in). So, being the super smart creatures that we are, we find a way to make it simple to process by distinguishing two separate buckets to be in. This is what's happening when that thought that pops into your head saying, "Alright girl, get it together… you're either happy or you're sad... it's not that hard, just pick one and be done with it because this whole going back and forth thing is exhausting."

Logically this makes sense, but in the end, this effort to create simplicity in our minds is exactly what ends up sabotaging us; essentially, we end up making ourselves more confused by trying to simplify something so complex. 

We start beating ourselves up for not "committing" to the bucket we chose. We start having thoughts like: "How can I be happy at a time when my loved one is so sick?" or, "Who am I to be sad when there are people out there who have it so much worse than I do?" 

I'm here to tell you that no matter what has been thrown at you this year, YOU GET TO FEEL each and every emotion there is individually, simultaneously, sporadically. Because they are your emotions. You are the one experiencing them, and YOU GET TO FEEL scared, happy, and sad all at the same time. Similarly, you also GET TO BE in a place of deep sadness for a few days in a row and be happy the next without feeling ashamed for not having your sh*t together.

If there's one thing we can take from 2020, it's that WE. GET. TO. FEEL.

And it's in exploring all of our emotions, rather than limiting them that we gain confidence in our ability to feel, adapt, and get through the various phases of our lives. And it's this confidence in ourselves that allows us to keep moving forward through hard times, trusting that you have the courage to create beauty that you never knew existed.

So in the next few days, as you reflect on this year, I invite you to resist the urge to seek external validation for your emotions. Emotional validation comes from within. The fact that the emotion is arising in the first place IS validation in and of itself. It’s real - it’s happening - to you - right now. Give yourself permission to feel all the feels, as this is when true healing occurs. And let’s be real, we all could use a little healing right now. ♡

Wishing you all a happy, healthy, feeling all the feels New Year!

Xo,

Em