The choice complex (part 3 of 4 blog series)

 
 

When making a choice —> it’s not about WHAT you do, it’s WHY you do it.

Why are you making these choices? What is fueling your decisions and actions? Are they coming from a place of “I freaking love myself, I believe in my worthiness, and I believe in my value.” Thinking, “it’s so cool that I get to make choices that make me feel good.” Or are you making choices from a place of, “Ugh, I have to/should do this, in order to get this.”

Are you choosing to do something because you truly WANT to do it or because you feel like you SHOULD be doing it?

Here’s how to tell the difference:

Making a choice from a place of having to/should do something automatically shifts us into victim mode. It turns a decision and desire into an obligation (aka - the world is happening to us and we have no choice or autonomy in deciding what we do/how and why we do it). When you put yourself in the victim box, your brain starts to go into disaster mode… and all of a sudden you're going down a rabbit hole of doubt, shame, and ughness. Without even realizing it, we're actually preventing ourselves even more so from taking action toward our goal. Action that will help us get to where we truly, intrinsically want to be.

This is where a reframe comes in. We move toward making choices from a place of self-love, not self-torture, in order to reach our goals.

Alright, hear me out on this one. I know that if someone had told me at the beginning of my journey that this was all about the energy my decisions are coming from and digging deep into my “true” motivation behind my actions… I would’ve laughed in their face. I would’ve been thinking, “You don’t think I’ve tried to shift my mindset before!?”... and then probably would have stopped reading.

So trust me when I say, I’m not here to tell you exactly what your motivation should be or to convince you there is one right mindset to have. I’m here to support you as you discover that for yourself - as you embody your worthiness to feel good through the choices you make - and provide you with a framework to do so.

Framework for Making an Empowered Choice:

  1. Practice awareness without judgment - When you catch yourself saying/thinking anything that starts with, I have to… I need to… I should… I must… rather than immediately putting blame or judgment on ourselves for “messing up," pat yourself on the back for noticing.

  2. Rephrase - This is all about shifting from a disempowered mindset into making an empowered choice. Some common shifts you get to make are swapping out have to/need to/should with I get to/I want to/I'm excited to do xyz.

  3. Get specific about how making this serves you in an empowering way - Remember, the goal here isn’t to try to convince yourself that you want to do something when you actually don’t. The goal here is to tap into a powerful intrinsic feeling and reason to make a choice rooted in self-love, empowerment, and worthiness….

How to start putting this framework into practice today

  • Open the notes app on your phone and start a new note titled, “I get to…”, or whatever floats your boat.

  • Use this note to jot down anytime you find yourself saying/thinking anything that starts with, I have to… I need to… I should… I must.

  • Then, reframe it using the Making an Empowered Choice Framework above. Here are a few examples to get you started:

    • Ugh, I SHOULD really start eating healthier this week. → I GET to choose foods that lift my vibration, taste good, & give me energy. How cool is that!?

    • I HAVE to workout today. → I GET to move my body today & celebrate everything my body does for me.

Coming up in the next blog post: Calories in vs calories out is BS.

xo, Em

Emily Golin